April 2006 – Edition 13

Happy belated April Fools Day (US Jerrems-folks know that this is the
day where we do not take ourselves too seriously, not that we ever do in
this newsletter). So read on with a bit of skepticism and a look for a
grain of truth.

But first, congratulations to Warren Jerrems (51 years old), from
Gulf Breeze FL for completing the Boston Marathon on Monday April 17th.
He fulfilled a personal dream. Here are his impressive statistics:

Official Time: 3:13:47
Overall Place: 2742
Gender Place: 2567
Age Division Place: 127

Editor’s Note: We are all long distance runners in our branch of the
family tree. Is this a trait throughout the Jerrems family?

Donald Jerrems, Editor

At least now I know what I have! Do you have it too?

I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD: Age Activated Attention
Deficit Disorder. This is how it goes…

Today I have a golf lesson with my golf pro and start toward the garage
when I notice the mail on the table. I figure I might as well go through
the mail before washing the car.

I lay my keys down on the desk, sort the mail and discard the junk mail.
As I discard the junk mail, I see that the garbage can is full. I lay
the bills down on the desk and pick up the trashcan. Then I figure that
since I’ll be going near the mailbox while taking out the trash, I may
as well pay these few bills first. Now where did I put my checkbook?

Ah, here it is! Oops, there’s only one check left. My extra checks are
in the other room. Oh! There’s the soda I was drinking earlier! Hmmm, I
guess I’d better take it out to the kitchen and discard it. Did we make
reservations for dinner at the Club tonight?

On the way to the kitchen, my flower arrangement catches my eye and I
realize it needs more water. I pour the soda down the sink. As I look
for the cell phone, I see my glasses on the window sill. It’s about
time. I’ve been looking for them all morning!

I guess I’d better go put them away so I can find them again later. But
first I’ve got to add water to the flower arrangement… Hey! What’s the
TV remote doing in the kitchen? Aaaaaagh! I’d better take it to the
living room because we’ll never think to look for it in the kitchen
tonight.

I take the remote out to the coffee table and find that the living room
is a bit untidy, so I go around arranging cushions and throw pillows.
Then I’m off down the hall, to … to … what the heck was I planning
to do?

End of Day:

I missed my golf lesson, the bills are unpaid, the flowers aren’t
watered, the checkbook still only has one check, and now I can’t seem to
find the TV remote! Are we going to the Club tonight? I don’t seem to
have gotten anything done today, but I just can’t figure out why because
I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!!

I realize this is a serious condition and that I’d better seek help. But
first, I think I’ll check my e-mail. Now where is my cell phone?

If this problem is pervasive in the Jerrems family, let me know.
Please remember to visit your local Chapter of AAADC.

His recent thoughts on living for a long time:

“I would not want to live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”

Next She will Go to Her Malpractice Attorney

“I wanted to get my favorite cat cloned. The doctor mixed up the sample
with a dog. Look what happened!”

 

Comments directed to Donald as Editor of Jerrems Journal unless
otherwise indicated

Dear Donald.

Thanks son for your email asking for a Christmas message from the
Jerrems relatives in Heaven, and a recent photo. But we have struck a
hitch with sending you a recent photo.

We asked Carol to come over and take some photos of us. Relatives
came from far and wide and Carol took lots of photos in what she called
“the modern style”.

Everybody was very cooperative, except for great great grandpa
William (“Big Bill”) who insisted on sitting at the front because he
is one of the oldest relatives. Big Bill is still 18 stone (about 125
kilos) so he took up most of the room in the front row. Carol was very
diplomatic and agreed to this, although she did mutter something about
him upsetting the balance of the photos. Everybody else looked like The
Seven Dwarfs by comparison.

There was an interesting collection of beards amongst the old chaps.
Great uncle Charlie’s beard needed a good combing but he refused
to let his wife Susannah touch it [See 1905 photo]

Keep up the good work on the Newsletters, we are enjoying them
enormously. We get quite a lot of laughs from them, although “Big Bill’
is still not sure if he likes his nickname.

To cut a long story short, Carol found that she could not send
the photos because our old computer cannot process JPG files. So much
for that idea! Perhaps we will be able to send them later.PS: How about that Warren. Chip off the old block! He reminds
me of my cross-country running days at Princeton.

From the Halfway House – Not Up There or Down There

Hello Fellow Jerrems,

I am the black sheep of the family. I didn’t even make the modern
Ray’s family genealogy tree. Maybe it was because I was sort of disowned
and abandoned by the Jerrems family back in the early 1800’s.

Here is my story:

When I was celebrating my 18th birthday, I binged on some great beer at
a local pub in Gainsborough, England. On the way home, I staggered
across a pasture and decided to try tipping a cow. Well, I got caught
and was thrown into the local jail. The local judge deemed me a
miscreant and sent me to Parkhurst Prison, the place for convict boys.
Later I had a choice to stay in jail for six months or take a boat trip.
I accepted the latter. As it turned out, other convicts and I were bound
for Western Australia to began life as rehabilitated in England and
arrived destined for apprenticeships with local settlers. Our convict
past is often forgotten.

Well, my family forgot me too, which is why I didn’t make my great
nephew’s tree.

On the boat trip, I met this swabbi; her name is Di. We are still
together. Any resemblance to modern Jerrems is probably not
coincidental.

Hey, have you ever tried tipping a kangaroo? I will tell you that story
in a future edition.

Caption submitted by Jean Jerrems aka Caty Green

“Lord, let this man be born again as Jerrems Tailors, let him hear the
call of Michigan Avenue and move to Chicago.”

Believe it or Not Department

We have a few projects going on at Jerrems Worldwide Enterprises.
Here is a sampling:

=== Jerrems Mini Series – The saga of our heritage. But would it
turn into a soap opera? Does anyone have Rupert Murdock’s telephone
number at the NewsCorp/Fox network?

=== Jerrems PODCast – Send us your visualizations for viewing and
entertainment.

=== The DaJerrems Code – Author Dan Brown is considering writing
a thriller about the Jerrems secrets buried under Buckingham Palace.